Thursday, January 17, 2008

Stephen Jackson, please leave your gun at home

Pac Man Jones is back at it again. The suspended Tennessee Titan got in to trouble again at a strip club. No, not for making it rain, but for punching a woman (who is also a defense attorney) at the club in the face. If hitting a woman wasn’t bad enough, it was apparently a suckerpunch. Oh, and Randy Moss was slapped with a restraining order after he was accused of assaulting a woman. It gave us here at Giving 111 Percent the idea that we should turn the tables. Athletes go around abusing common folk. What if it were the other way around? So here we are, with our top ten sports figures we’d most love to punch in the face without any repercussions (feel free to give us your list or criticize ours in the comments section):

This list could encompass about half of the New England Patriot and Boston Red Sox lineups if we so chose. You could really just pick about anyone from those teams: Teddy Bruschi, Rodney Harrison, Jonathan Papelbon, Curt Schilling etc. etc. But to make it a bit harder, here is our top five without those two teams:

10. Tony Stewart – Yup that’s right. A NASCAR reference. He is a real idiot though.
9. Shannon Sharpe – Doesn’t he just seem to be a complete jerk on the NFL Pregame show? Granted, even if the punch was without repercussions, we’d still sprint out of there.
8. Reggie Miller – Sure, some of it’s for all the pain he’s caused. But honestly, maybe we could fix his teeth.
7. Joakim Noah – Anyone who watched college basketball during the two year stretch when Florida won back to back titles understands this.
6. Tim McCarver – His baseball “analysis” keeps getting worse and worse. We just found this site ( This is his quote of the year on the site: “If you leadoff and you play every day, you’re guaranteed to bat with the bases empty at least 162 times.” Punching him would be fun for just listening to what statement he throws out after getting clocked.
5. Isiah Thomas – Does this need any explanation? The only negative is that after getting popped, he’d probably still have that annoying smirk on his face.
4. The 2004 Indiana Pacers – Sure the Detroit crowd provoked them. But this is for the fans who were wrongly hit…like the guy Artest goes after, while the guy who threw the drink stands by and watches. We still can’t believe this happened. You gotta watch it again. To think professional athletes lost it like this, and fans just got wrapped up in it as well, it’s lucky no one died that night. So here’s your chance kid crying at the end of the clip, or the first guy mauled by Artest that didn’t actually throw the drink, for revenge.

3. Jose Canseco – Someone just needs to knock him on his ass. He ratted out a lot of people juicing in the steroid era for his own personal gain.
2. Greg Paulus – Pat is thrilled that Syracuse didn’t get him in an Orange uniform (Paulus is from the Syracuse area). He is quite possibly the most annoying player in college basketball. It’s always easy to hate on the scrappy little white guard. But Paulus’ flopping, constant whining at every turn, and groping of his teammates at each stoppage of play is just too much. I had already decided on Paulus before last night. But now, after punching him, you’d have a shot at four other Dukies running over frantically. And maybe you can throw in a slap of Coach K for all his terrible commercials – does he really need the extra cash? And they aren’t funny…so why does he keep shooting them?
1. Bill Belichick – We said we wouldn’t include New England lineups. But their coach is a separate entity. No one bothers us more than this man. Pat is 99 percent certain that he is satan. His glare into the camera at press conferences is unbelievably cold. And he dresses like a homeless man. And he cheats. And he’s a huge ____ ...yea you can fill in the blank. Boy, that punch would be sweet.

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